I have never had such an experience before.
I am exhausted.
Days engaged in my night work, staying awake day and night and always, constantly, one and only one thought.
Moments of life that are moments of transition, of passage, and even if you do not live them directly, because they do not involve you in the first person, they affect you to the inside and you cannot help but feel them; and to live them.
Anguish, awareness, sadness, loneliness, expectation, torment, questions, no answers.
You do everything to keep time going, like when you hit a button with old VHS to keep the movie going. Well, maybe I’m wrong, but right now I would like to carry on my life, ahead of a few days.
I seem to go crazy, I live my day with apparent normality but inside I have fire.
I pray, pray and pray.
I think, imagine, dream, remember, read, listen….
If I could, I would immediately start painting …

But work is calling, so I have to wait until the weekend.

My blank canvas is already there waiting for me; she knows that she will soon welcome me, because these days I will pour out my anxieties, my prayers, my unanswered questions, my expectations, my anxieties on her.

This will be a different journey.

It will be a journey into the abyss and back.

And since I felt the extreme urgency to take out part of my interiority, I wrote down some verses that I want to share here now, because if painting makes you draw your soul out, words have the therapeutic power to be fast, immediate, inexorable.

Here they are:

There is a fine line

between who we are

and what we will be.

A distant horizon

that is scary to cross,

a dying sun

that no longer warms us.

Life that play dice

with our Existences;

Life that fills us

but which never belongs to us.

I join my hands

in a humble prayer:

no words need to be spoken,

no silence needs to be broken.

Be strong my beautiful Light, I am with you.

Sometimes Life is not fair,

she turns off the light,

but you’ll never lose your way;

your step will slow down

but you will never stop.

And in the end

you will rejoin your life,

She is there.

Waiting for you.”