Sometimes it happens.
That you wake up in the morning and you don’t have the same energy as usual, the same sprint to live the day.
This happened to me today; work that starts in the afternoon certainly doesn’t help, it breaks up your day, and in those few hours you have available you should divide yourself between household chores and situations to solve – for example my car has a low beam that has been out of order for weeks now and, I don’t know why, but I find it hard to go and fix this – despite this, sometimes you feel that you don’t have the necessary energy. Or you just don’t feel like it.
Having two cats at home, in the same way, doesn’t help at all (smiling): if you observe them, you learn from them that living in the here and now seems to be the only sensible thing, savoring the moment and not worrying about the past or worrying too much of the future; but we live in this system where we run, run, run and if you slow down you risk being overwhelmed. More to the point, you need to get good enough to know when you can afford to go slower without the matrix overwhelming you with its urges.
This is one of those moments: I slow down, put on some music, beautiful music, music that gives you goosebumps and that when you listen to it it’s as if new synapses, new neuronal connections and ideas are opening for you. And words pile up like rivers in flood that just want to overflow; and I feel the urgency of having to write.
I think about this phase of my life, these last few days in particular, and slow down is the right word, it fits perfectly with the turn things are taking. After months of “running”, of fast and overwhelming emotions like avalanches, which then in the end only leave your bones broken, just like an avalanche, after days, weeks, months spent like this, someone arrives, or something, who suddenly makes you makes it slow down.
And you’re so used to running that you almost can’t see yourself doing things the right way anymore, slowly, without burning stages, savoring every single moment, anticipating what might come next.
Maybe this is exactly the point: maybe I’m still afraid of receiving yet another disappointment, yet another door slammed in my face, yet another time badly spent, believing in something that was actually only in my head; because you (me), after all, continue to believe in it, continue to believe that good things can happen and that they can happen to you, because you deserve them, because in everything you do, and with the people you meet, you give your all yourself in your transparency, without stratagems, without subterfuges, and sooner or later someone will notice.
And then maybe you’ll meet someone who will have the same desire to be with you as you have to be with him, who will look for you because he can’t wait to see you and spend time together, and not just to fill a hole, a space momentarily empty.
And it’s wonderful when you know a person and you feel so comfortable with them that the time spent together is never enough, that the words spoken and the anecdotes told are always too few and you would like to spend all the time talking, laughing, discussing, opening up emotionally with the certainty that you can do it because that person will NEVER hurt you, because they really care about you.
Well, some would say “If they are roses, they will bloom”; I say that the seedling needs to be watered every day, you need to take care of the garden, with love and dedication, and you need to do it mainly for yourself.
Then everything that is meant for you will find a way to reach you, just don’t rush, just… slow down.