I should have been in the car now.
Driving towards the realization of another dream.
And I cared.
I was counting the days.
Because when Music is involved, I am involved.
Music excites me, it gives me energy for difficult moments and enhances the most beautiful moments.
Music has literally saved my life time and time again.
And maybe even today.
I listen to Sleep Token‘s lyrics while I wait for the pasta to cook.
And I think I should have been in the car clocking up miles, towards Munich, towards Eden.
Of course! It’s precisely the case to write “Take me back to Eden“, take me back to paradise.
And I wanted to go back, to paradise.
But this time something is holding me back.
Something – or someone, who knows – wanted me here today and not there.
I’ll find out why in the future. I once read that the answer comes when you stop asking the question.
I don’t actually ask myself why; and I don’t feel sorry for myself and curse my bad luck, as I probably would have done until some time ago.
In my Personal Growth I believe I have not yet reached the peak, which I feel is the ability to know how to live my life without people, facts and external agents being able to influence it; unfortunately I still can’t do this.
But I also believe I am at the step immediately before, that level in which you experience life’s changes with blissful acceptance and without asking too many questions about the whys and wherefores, confident that the path is always the right one and that the Path, no matter how many deviations it may have, will take you to your Half.
And so I listen to my “Sugar” while sipping my beer on this snow-covered Tuesday, with the desire to put my disappointment on paper in my head. Of course I can’t hide my disappointment and that hint of bitterness at not having been able to achieve what I had been planning for months. But I’m sure that, soon, something even more wonderful will knock on my door.
Then “Ascensionism” comes on and I start crying, because tonight Vessel will sing it and I will be here.
I who should have been there.
And paradoxically what stopped me is what I love most in the world: Snow. That snow that excites me so much, with its flashes and its silences, with its elegance and its strength.
So here’s to the snow, here’s to those 4 souls who made me ascend to levels I didn’t know existed.
Which introduced me to an Eden that still exists.